Guy friends, click to another site now. I don’t want to make you blush or make you uncomfortable. Aw hell, now you’re intrigued and there’s no WAY you’re clicking to another site. Okay, how about this…. TAMPON! PERIOD! PMS! HEAVY FLOW! FEELINGS! DOES THIS BLOG MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
Guys? I know you’re still lurking. C’mon guys, you know you’d rather be surfing the cars/trucks/guns/sports/gaming/bimbo sites than this silly little blog. Just go! Nothing to see here, really.
All gone? Whew. Guys can be nosy sometimes!
Okay, this post is gonna go there. I know this is on the internet for bazillions to see, but I actually see my little corner of the interwebs as a more intimate setting. Like, we’re all friends here. So, I feel fairly safe in letting this fly. Don’t judge.
I’m human. I’m an adult (or at least pretend to be, most days). And now I’m single. And lonely. And would reeeaaallly like some quality time with someone of the male persuasion <wink, wink, nudge, nudge>. It’s a cruel, cruel joke Mother Nature is playing on me. Why would THAT dial be turned up at this point in my life? With no partner to rub my feet, let alone anything else. What is she thinking?!? Evil woman. I think this must be what it’s like to be a guy. I have two thoughts in my head – sex and everything else. For every humdrum thought there is an accompanying thought about bumpin’ uglies. (If you’re a naughty boy and are still reading, don’t think you’re special. It’s not about just you. It’s about every guy I know or meet.)
If this is anything like what guys think about at any given moment, how do they get anything done? It’s very distracting. Sleep is difficult. Work is difficult. My projects serve me well though. It’s hard to think about knockin’ boots when you’re swinging a hammer and tearing stuff up.
So now there is a war going on in my head (surprised there’s room, what with everything else bumping around in there) between what I’d like to be doing and the fear of actually doing it (no pun intended). Then there’s the question – What would I do if there was an available guy who was even remotely interested in me? And how crazy would he be to be interested in ME? He’d probably be cross-eyed and hunch-backed too. Or have a baby-arm growing out of his forehead. (Believe it or not, that is actually not an original thought. I heard that somewhere and, of course, it stuck.)
I know I’m not ready for a full-on relationship. My heart isn’t there yet. I mean, I still have tearful days missing Jeff. But am I ready for something of the carnal nature? My body says “Hells to the yeah!” (as long as the lights are off). My mind says, blushing shyly and shrinking slowly into a corner, “Oh, no, I don’t think so. Look at the time. Did I leave laundry in the washer? I have to feed my cats now.”
I don’t consider myself a prude, but I’ve been out of the dating scene for just a bit. Am I capable of intimacy without feelings? Could I ignore my heart for some nookie? If I become interested in a guy, could I make the first move? (Same statements coming from body and mind. My body thinks I’m Sofia Vergara, btw.) Or do I wait for something to develop slowly – something meaningful, fulfilling and lasting? Something that requires more of me, more energy, heart and soul? Sigh… It sounds beautiful, but honestly, I don’t think my body will wait that long. #gotbatteries?