October 7, 2015 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

I logged in to add a post and found this draft from a few weeks ago, so I’ll go ahead and post it.

We’re back into the swing of school and schedules and homework. The big change is that the girls are driving! They’re sharing the car, but they’re making it work. Alex has started a class at the community college and will start two more later this month. Travis is doing very well and continues to blossom.

What I logged in to post is this:

Have you ever annoyed yourself with something you do, but you can’t seem to make yourself stop doing it?

Every time I see a date in 2013 or earlier, I relate it to what Jeff was doing. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes definitely NOT good.  “That was the year we went to the Grand Canyon.” “That was our last trip to Galveston.” “He really loved that truck.” “Jeff was halfway through chemo.” “Those nurses at Harris Fort Worth treated Jeff like a rock star!” “That was our first trip to Houston.” (F*ck, I hate Houston! I know some of you poor souls live there and some have had to seek treatment at MD Anderson like Jeff did, but it holds not one good memory for me. The entire city is forever tarnished. I don’t think I’d blink if it was wiped off the map.) “Jeff was in ICU then.” “That was his first day in hospice.”

Facebook memory posts are the worst. I see what someone else was doing in 2013 and it is in such stark contrast to what our family was going through. It makes me envious, maybe a little bitter. It’s so unfair. I know, I know… life isn’t fair.

I know all our memories are supposed to make our lives richer, complete – you can’t appreciate the good without the bad… blah, blah, blah – but if you could erase one memory, maybe a whole day or even a week, would you? I think I would. Jeff doesn’t have to live with the memories, thankfully.