June 20, 2015 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

Wow, it’s been a while since my last post. Things are going well I guess. The kids are out of school, kinda. (Kristen managed to pass all her classes by the hair of her chinny-chin-chin.) Travis is in summer school, aka Summer Intervention Program, though he missed most of this last week because he was sick. Just one more week, then he’s done. The girls are with their dad for the next ten days for Father’s Day and his birthday.

Father’s Day… It’s another rough time for me. My relationship with my dad is pretty much non-existent, so I feel a lot of loss there. (I was invited to his birthday dinner last month [after not seeing him for…years] with my brother and his wife and it was the ultimate non-event. No great revelations. No reunion. Just dinner. And heartbreak.) And I feel loss for Travis because his dad is no longer here. I took the girls shopping for Father’s Day cards for their dad and it hurt to look at the cards, so I quit looking at cards. The boyfriend is such a good guy and very much wants to be a dad for Travis, but it’s just not time yet. I can’t explain why. It just doesn’t feel right yet. So there’s not much to celebrate.

I’ll meet the boyfriend’s parents soon. I don’t know why that terrifies me, but it does. I’m not great at small-talk. I don’t keep up with current events. I’d love to be charming and likeable, but I’m a tattooed, pro-choice, pseudo-Republican, atheist, potty-mouthed widow who is afraid of appearing stupid. Certainly I can’t screw up too much in the course of one dinner, right? Right?

Maybe we’ll go to the park and shoot rockets tomorrow. That sounds like fun.