Decisions
November 6, 2013 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed
Sorry, the quote below is from yesterday on another forum.
Jeff is stable. His numbers look great – blood pressure is normal, temp is normal, heart rate and respiration are normal. He’s still on the ventilator, still sedated so he doesn’t go rearranging tubes. He has a myriad of meds going in him. Bleeding has subsided. We are now at a point where we do nothing or we do radiation, either of which could have a bad end result. Chemo is on hold. He’s in a tough spot, friends. His prognosis isn’t great.
I want to thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers, phone calls, texts and messages. (y’know, if you pluralize ‘pm’ it loses the intended meaning)
Today’s update…
Jeff has advance directives in place, signed six weeks ago. Maybe if the hospital had known about his wishes, he wouldn’t have been intubated and on the ventilator, I don’t know. But we are here now and decisions need to be made. If you take all feeling out of the situation, decisions are pretty cut and dry. If you love Jeff like I love Jeff, you just can’t take emotions out of this. When you sign your own papers and indicate how you would like to be cared for if faced with a terminal or irreversible condition, you may make that decision like it’s a no-brainer. ‘Of course I don’t want to be kept alive artificially if there is no cure…’ ‘Of course I don’t want to be a vegetable…’ But with the passage of time and other things that happen, would your wishes change? With Jeff on the ventilator, he can’t tell us what he wants. He can’t ask questions. They can lighten sedation and he can nod or shake his head to yes/no questions – but he’s groggy. Do you really take his answers to be well thought-out? What’s going on in that fuzzy-haired head of his?
So I’ve decided to hold off on radiation and anything else until he can be weaned off the ventilator. He is still on blood pressure medicine, antibiotics, saline, sedation, pain killer, etc., etc. You see all the IV lines going on. I’m told he is not on the ventilator because he has or had a breathing problem, but because he was bleeding. With the bleeding stopped, at least for now, it seems reasonable to attempt to get him off the ventilator. I’d hate to not give him a chance to talk to us again.
There is the possibility that things could go south after he is off the ventilator. In that event, he would not be resuscitated and his wishes for no life-sustaining measures would be honored. He’s been through hell and back. He has a strong spirit, but his body is damn tired. He has suffered so much already with the effects of chemo, the pain and sickness. My only hope is for compassionate and merciful care. No more gallon bags of chemo. No more barf bags in my purse. No more pain pills that offer little relief. He deserves better.
Reta.. Everyone else has pretty much said it all.. you know all 5 of you are in our constant prayers. I will always believe that God is in control. I’ll never understand the “why’s” but I have to believe! Your mom is amazing… and I’ve told her over and over whatever you guys need PLEASE let us know. Reta hang on to every ounce of hope, never stop believing and lean on Him for strength. We love you guys and we’re here!!
Reta, my heart breaks for you when I know what you are facing. June 2011 when my mother was put on the vent and passed in the process of coming off the vent. We also had advanced directives, but mom changed her mind.and asked for the support.. so there we were…. I felt like I was in a living nightmare for days with the saving notes that people cared. I have seen hundreds of notes to you and jeff; you are a wonderful couple and are truly living the vow – in sickness and in health– Stay strong.. we all love you guys… Hoping he comes off the life support to guide his medical care, to say the hellos, goodbyes, and write the love letters to Travis as he grows. You and your family are top of my prayer-list these past many weeks. Know I love both of you.. you have been to hell and back with this horrible cancer.
Rita,
Although we only met briefly and in odd circumstances I am sadden to hear of Jeff’s situation. I am praying for you guys. I was reading through some of Jeff’s post and I see he still has a thing for guns and that darn deer head…lol. It seems he has found love and happiness:-) May GOD watch over you and give you the strength you need to see this through. Stay strong!
Tamara
Reta,
The decision will be made when the time is right. You, Jeff and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Reta ,
It broke my heart to find out I was not a match for stem cells. I would have gladly gave them.
Please keep me informed. ericandblaze@comcast.net or cell 303-902-8599. Thanks Eric
I have known Jeff since 1998 or 99. He did not like me and I thought he was a cocky SOB–all that changed over the years. I think I know he would not want to be lying there with no hope. If there is hope, hell yow!!!! Just let him go if it is his time, if not, God will take care of him, the SOB that I have come to love!!!!! He hasn’t changed and neither have I–Love ya man
Reta we have never met and you have a distorted view o Jeff’s family but please understand we love him with all our hearts and we are in prayer and tears for him and you and your son.
Please do the humane thing and let us know all updates and if the final day comes please let us know. We need that and expect nothing more from you we do not want to interfere in the life you have built with Jeff and just want to know.
Reta, we have never met but please, please understand how much Jeff’s family love him and how bad this is killing us.
Please do us the humane thing and let us know if anything happens to Jeff. Hid brothers and sister and his Dad and I are all praying and loving Jeff, and you and Taylor. Please let us kn ow how he is, thanks
I do not live far from Houston and a Prayer Warrior , my handle on Godlike is Goofy for God , I have seen healing not all times but many if you want I will come and lay hands and pray if wants.
God Bless
Thank you Reta for taking the time to share with us. I can’t imagine what you are going through so I pray for God to continue to give you the strength to get through this. You are amazing.
I know that things are really tough for ya’ll right now. Can’t even image what you and the family are going through. I know that there are a lot of prayers being lifted up for Jeff and the family right now. I know that God is in control of all situations. We don’t always understand the WHYS? Praying that God will give ya’ll the strength, wisdom and peace for the days to come.
Just wanted to say y’all are in my prayers and thoughts. May God give you strength and comfort for both of you.
Reta, I have been praying for Jeff, you and the rest of your family. My thoughts are with all of you several times a day. I spent a long time last night reading on the AR_15 forum and was inspired by all of the love and support from all over the world. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you, but always know I am praying.
Lisa
God is the ultimate physician and He can still work miracles, i know that may seem far fetch at this point but I certainly believe that fact until a persons last breath. I am praying for you and Jeff. Praying for peace and comfort. Praying that God will send his angels down to surround Jeff and you, keep your mind at peace, keep your heart at ease. Thank you for taking that time to keep us all updated, you are such a thoughtful person despite what your dealing with. <3
Amen Jessi! I agree with you! God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Reta you are an amazing woman! I am in awe of you, you are a strong woman! My rspects. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers everyday! ♥
All I can say is hold on Reta, Im so sorry and you and the whole family are in my thoughts and Prayers!
So very sorry to hear, yet thank you for sharing the update. Continued prayers for you both.
Daily thoughts and prayers are with you. Happy you received the card.
Dan
Prayers inbound for the whole family…read about you on ar15.com.