New normal
January 6, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed
I know this is not the new normal. Not yet. The “newness” hasn’t worn off yet. But I wonder what it will be like. I know life goes on, but I can’t imagine a day passing without thinking about Jeff. Strangely, there were days when he was alive that I didn’t think about him. I guess I took him for granted. But now that he’s gone and he’s not texting me or calling me, his phone isn’t ringing that awful defective-phone ring, I’m not tripping over his shoes in the floor, the TV isn’t constantly on for no reason, I’m not fixing his shirt collar or telling him to wipe his chin, the remote controls aren’t buried in the couch… I just miss him. I miss him laughing and snorting at some goofy internet video. I miss his news and political updates. I miss his advice (“being an asshole isn’t illegal”). I miss him playing with Travis. He could make Travis laugh so hard he’d go into silent laugh mode. I miss his hugs. I miss his shoulder massages.
Oh, sure, the extra room in the closet is nice 🙂
I took the kids to dinner at Olive Garden tonight (compliments of the Wests – THANK YOU!) and a family sat in a booth next to us. I’m guessing there were older parents, a young couple and their, again I’m guessing, 4-month old daughter. They all doted on the baby. Such a happy baby! Then it occurred to me that Jeff won’t get to dote on his grandkids. And he would have been such a good grandpa! He won’t get to see his son become a father or fall in love or have his heart broken. Jeff won’t see Travis go to college or graduate from high school. He won’t even see Travis’s 4th grade graduation next school year. I know he’ll be there in spirit, but there will still be an empty seat next to me at those milestones.
My posts sound kinda depressing to me. Certainly I’m depressed, but we have good times too. We laugh a lot. We still have fun together, the kids and me. I’ve been getting with friends and enjoying their good company. I’m taking care of business as needed. Slowly making a new normal.
I joined Jeffs fight in July when my brother in law was diagnosed with the dreaded disease. I think you have been amazing and so strong. We are still fighting. ………..I didnt know Jeff but hes always in my thought, I think you have done an outstanding job and all my love and thoiughts with your family. X
Thanks for posting!
I caught myself just before I sent one of those outrageous “It’s global warming, stupid” to Jeff. It was always fun to tweak his tail with our NW Uber Liberal political stand. I miss him so. Although he doesn’t get to take away our car keys and money management when we go “Gaga”. Our sweet daughter in law will have that privilege, uh oh, guess I best be on my best behavior. Damn..
You ROCK — time will help, you will always have the memories and the love Jeff gave to you. New normals will come and life will continue…. You are strong and are doing very VERY well with this life journey.
Time heals all wounds. Time is what it takes. And you take all the time in the world. Thinking of sweetheart, <3 you are still a rockstar in my eyes!
God Bless you and the kids, Reta ! You have a long, hard road ahead, but you all will be OK. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.
The new normal will become easier with time, I am positive. Travis will graduate and do all the things a normal kid does. You will wake up one morning and realize that you didn’t think of Jeff in a day or more. You are a strong wonderful person and will be just fine. He will always be there, in your heart. Take care.