May 27, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

I got a tattoo on the inside of my left wrist that says “choose happy”. I believe you can choose how you react to whatever is thrown at you and I wanted a reminder to myself to choose happy. It takes so much energy to choose otherwise. However, I’m finding it hard to realize my mantra lately. I find myself blaming myself for much of my kids’ shortcomings. They’re my responsibility after all. Jeff said I was too soft. My ex blames me too. I never could stand up to my ex. Seems my girls can’t either. I feel so powerless. Like such a failure. It’s not a good feeling.

Bionic Grandma

May 17, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

My mom had hip replacement surgery Thursday and is doing very well. I call her the bionic grandma. She is impressing the nurses and doctors. She’s just amazing. I hope I have her strength and energy when I’m her age! It’s been really weird being back at Harris Hospital. I didn’t think there would be a “thing” about being there. I had taken my neighbor for a day surgery at another hospital a couple months ago and she said she was reluctant to ask me to take her, what with putting me in a hospital environment again after everything I’d been through with Jeff. I poo-pooed her and said I was a pro at this hospital stuff. I didn’t have a problem then. Being with Mom, back in the same hospital, sitting in the same surgical waiting room (even in the same seat until I moved), has triggered some unpleasant flashbacks. At least she’s not in the same area of the hospital as Jeff was. Thankfully, she goes home today.

Oh, I fixed my daughter’s computer! I’m pretty tech savvy, but Jeff has always been the hardware/network guy. I handle the software. I properly diagnosed my daughter’s computer problem as a bad video card and replaced it last night without a hitch. Now I get my home office back 🙂

Travis has been invited to participate in summer school for most of June. I want to give him every opportunity to keep up with (and maybe surpass!) his peers, so I took the school district up on the invitation. I’ve also arranged for him to get continued speech therapy over the summer and a couple weeks of summer camp. Boredom is the enemy!!

I had a dream last night that I was in a giant pharmacy – like a Walgreen’s but convention center size. (I tend to have really dumb, boring dreams.) I kept looking for cotton balls and saw myself walking right by MILLIONS of them. I sat down to rest and there was Jeff, kneeling beside me and he laid his head in my lap. He had thick, wavy hair! I ran my fingers through it and just said “Damn, I’m glad you’re back.” He didn’t speak. It’s like he was there, but not really. I hugged and kissed him, but he still didn’t speak. He did help me find the cotton balls, though.

Happy Mother’s Day!

May 11, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

To all you great Mothers out there, I hope your day was at least half as good as mine was. My darling kids walked to Walmart yesterday to get gifts and surprised me this morning with a giant balloon, funny yet tear-jerking cards, some pink daisies, and a box of my favorite chocolates – Turtles. I also got a group hug 🙂  I then got busy with a list of me-do’s (can’t call ’em honey-do’s anymore).

I colored my roots. Got paint from Home Depot and painted the exterior trim around my front door. Installed my storm door. Installed a peep hole in the front door.  Attached a kick plate to the front door. Spray-painted a piece of furniture. Attached the drain to my bathroom sink since I had previously covered some crazing around the drain hole. Did three loads of laundry. Cleaned the wood floors. Vacuumed downstairs. Watched Long Island Medium with Kristen.

I had boundless energy today. I feel loved. I feel appreciated. I feel proud. I feel…tired now.


April 28, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

Jeff’s birthday is Wednesday. I brought this up to Travis last night as he splashed in the tub. He said, “But Dad died?” I said, “Yes, but it’s still his birthday and he would be turning 46.” He asked if we could have a party and cake for Dad. I told him we could do something special. We could make one of Dad’s favorite cakes – spice cake or strawberry. Travis voted strawberry.  🙂

We’re doing okay, all in all. Sometimes my mind will drift and I’ll see flashes of the past year, like each moment is a photo that someone is tossing in the air randomly. Deeeep breath. Choose happy.

Busy bee

April 24, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

WHEW! Our home is undergoing quite a transformation! My wonderful friends worked hard on the fence and have most of it done. Awesome work!!


SUCH a helper!


POP of color 🙂

I decided to paint the kitchen. I think I’ll invest in a paint sprayer because that has touched off more painting ideas. I also decided to replace the baseboards. So that has kicked off a huge project that should keep me busy for quite a while. I have been gradually replacing the builder-grade gold/chrome fixtures in the house and just replaced the entryway chandelier and a hall light. I’m quite pleased with myself 🙂

I took Kristen and Travis to “Music on the Patio” in Keller last night and heard Emerald City Band. They’re a very energetic, fun band! If you ever get the opportunity, check them out. They play in Dallas quite often.20140423_192328

I’ll get Travis signed up for a couple weeks of summer camp and have Kristen signed up for dance. I’m trying to talk her into gymnastics again too because she is so darn good at it! Maybe Alex will even do an art camp… we’ll see.

Jeff would be shaking his head at me as I flit around the house from project to project, saying “Yes, dear, that looks great”, but I think he also appreciated that I don’t sit on my behind for long.

Another project bites the dust!

April 6, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

New friends Javier and Holland knocked out those juniper bushes like they were saplings! Now you can actually SEE the house. I’ll put something much smaller there – fountain grass and/or flowers.


One down…

April 3, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

One project down! My new friend, Greg, got the mower started in less than 5 minutes AND mowed the yard!! Many, many thanks to Greg!

I have volunteers for juniper bush extraction, but I know it’s going to be hard work so I wouldn’t hold anyone to it if they took one look at the bushes and said “Oh, HELL no!”

I left a message with one fence repair place to get me a quote. Tried another fence guy who evidently lives in my neighborhood, but his voicemail box is full…


March 30, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

I have some yard projects that need to be addressed… Hoping someone can put me in touch with someone to handle them or come help me with them. I have at least four fence posts that are broken and I’d like to replace with metal posts.

I planned to mow today, but the mower is not cooperating. I’ve added oil, cleaned the spark plug, added gas (it sat all last year with whatever remaining gas it had from the last mowing), cleaned the air filter. It won’t even cough. Could take it to Kyle’s Bike & Mower shop.

I have two large juniper bushes at the front entry that need to go. I don’t know why we even planted them. Jeff was allergic to them! I think they’re a security risk too.

I can pay in beer and pizza/wings, or cash… and a huge thank you

Call me crazy…

March 29, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

The gun safe is an eye-sore no more! I covered it with Con-Tact paper! It’s not perfect (getting around the handle and dial was tricky), but I can live with it.

20140329_165133 20140329_203536


March 21, 2014 in Lymphoma by Reta Reed

The end of a so – so week… A second glass of wine is well-deserved while Travis and I watch Frozen for the Nth time.

Talk of someone’s life being saved with a bone marrow transplant on the radio this morning brought me to tears. Touching story I’m sure, but i couldn’t listen to it. I was saddened, thinking if only…

Work is busy, busy. Travis has allergy issues that evidently make him nauseated. Kristen is constantly wanting to be carted here and there to meet her social “obligations”, Alex just got her first jury summons!

I was hoping to replace the front door and was informed that the city of Fort Worth requires a permit. I’ll have to once again ask for my handyman’s (Carlos) help installing the door. I’m slowly checking off all the house projects Jeff and I had planned, albeit with a bump here and there. Several projects in the works means the house is in a state of slight chaos.

Travis has a birthday party to go to tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll get the last two faucets replaced tomorrow and finally get the office organized. Jeff’s powder, bullets, brass etc are being listed at Texas Hunting Forum. Get it while it’s hot.